Spotlight

At a party, I'm the guy in the corner watchin' everybody. I'm a writer. I excpect you know this by now. And as a writer I'm a people watcher. I observe and feel and take notes on actions and reactions. I don't really become the life of the party. I'm not the one to be the focus and entertain. You wanna read my book, buy a copy and read it on your own time. I'm not gonna stop a party or a shindig or a revelry or a jamboree to read it to you. There's a time and a place for these things.

A lotta people love attention. Some people Need it. I know these days its gettin' easier and easier to become a celebrity. You got people doin' creative things and puttin' 'em on the internet and it makes it pretty damn simple to find people like Elizabeth Hinson or White Sails or Aphelion or this ol' devil himself. But then you get people like Snooki or that balloon boy or about half the people on youtube that just want people to pay attention to them and think anybody gives a shit about what they got to say. Making a clear distinction here, I know nobody gives a shit what I got to say. I'm a writer, I tell stories whether anyone is listenin' or readin' or not. I do this to get better at writin' and gain a lil bit of exposure. But hardly anybody reads.

Anyway, You gotta wonder what it is that's wrong with this generation that all it can do is focus on gettin' their fifteen minutes of fame. You got girls filmin' their sex lives to be famous. You got people actin' like assholes to get a lil money. You got all these young people whorin' themselves out to anybody with a camera and a dollar. To feel special? To be the center of attention? To feel loved?

There's one helluva pit in you if the only thing you can fill it with has to come from someone else. You ever ask yourself why you play the puppy? Why is it you need the attention? Can you stand bein' alone? Does the silence bother you? Do you miss someone? Do you need someone?

If there's a problem with any of that own up to it. 'Cause it shouldn't be that way. You should be able to spend a weekend alone and not drive yourself crazy wantin' sumthin', especially if you don't know what it is. I figure a want for attention comes from issues with a person's parents. Mommy or daddy ain't around and a kid can turn to all kinds of things to fill the void left by his absence or lack of attention.

I'm not immune to 'em. I like a lot of female attention 'cause my mom all but hates me. Least that's the way I feel about it. The hellbitch managed to work that against me. Not that it was hard to do. Now I'm broke. To say it's all my mom's fault would be unfair. I'd come to the realization long before but hell I still haven't done much about it. All I can do is realize it gives me a self-destructive nature and that I don't need the attention of anyone else to feel good about me. I'm pretty fuckin' awesome and you can kiss my ass if you don't think so.

Tellin' yourself that over and over is a good way to feel good but it'll never replace a parent's love. Just gotta stay on edge and know that you could be workin' against yourself when you strive for attention. Might find yourself in a video where you twist a tragedy into a political ad about how you wanna be president.

You don't need to perform for your friends for them to like you. You don't need the whole world to like you to be likeable. You're good when you have a quiet talk about your day or what book you read last week or even just listening to a troubled friend. Your friends love you whether you realize it or not and you should love yourself.