Fightin' the Good Fight

Bein' in a relationship is hard. I think a lot of people expect it to come naturally and without conflict. It doesn't happen that way.

You ever see an old couple fight? Old couples are always fightin'. You know why? Cause they still got stuff worth fightin' about.

See, the key to a good relationship ain't to find someone and meld into one person. It ain't about findin' someone you'll never fight with. It's to find that person that compliments you in such a way that it doesn't take away from who you are but instead you both fit together. It's like findin' that puzzle piece that fits you and you fit it. Neither bends or compromises to fit perfectly, instead you work together fillin' each others' gaps. You bend into the best you that you can be no more no less. When you're there you'll fit just right.

It's hard to be mindful of this but if you want it to work you gotta. You gotta love the person you're with for who they are. You mold 'em to be sumthin' else and you wind up not lovin' who they really are. You love this Cupid's monster that you created which isn't real. They'll know it. You'll know it. Sooner or later one of you is gonna get tired of playin' the role.

I was in a relationship some time ago that screwed me up. I was allowing myself to bend to be whatever she wanted. While I was becomin' everything a girl could want she was givin' nuthin' back. I still have bad dreams about her. That's no life for anyone. You can't give yourself up like that. You'll kill yourself tryin' to be perfect, just gotta be you.

You also gotta know when it's enough. Can't bend to accept a person you ain't happy with. You ain't happy, you ain't happy. If they don't wanna be what you really want and you don't wanna have to put up with what they are, why should you have to? I seen too many people put up with crazy, drug addicted, abusive, or manipulative partners. There's no reason for it. It's not wrong to stand up for yourself in a relationship. It might cause a fight but you might get your other half to see that they're in the wrong.

The problem with assertin' who you are is that you're prolly gonna butt heads with somebody about who you should be. Everybody wants a lil independence and to have a lil fun. And they should be allowed to. Even if it means doin' sumthin' crazy or at least that their other half doesn't agree with. Doesn't mean that a relationship is gonna come to a screechin' halt just means that two people ain't on the same page about a thing.

I'm a grumpy old man for bein' a twenty-five year old. I don't like fun so much. I often dunno what to do with a good time. Work I can do all day and night and feel good about myself. I don't like drinkin' to get drunk. I don't like doin' things I might regret. I regret and feel bad about enough as it is. That's my personality. You take me to a party and you ain't gonna have much fun if you expect me to mingle and make small talk and lead everyone in a drum circle. If you want me to give somebody a lecture on the importance of human rights or literature or be responsible for gettin' somebody home safe, I'm your guy. I know I don't have as much fun as I could. But I'm the kind of guy I wanna be. For the most part.

Still, with all my sureness of who I am, I can impose those beliefs on the people around me and expect them to hold themselves the same way I do. I have to remember that other people, my Princess in particular, are free spirits. I love that about her. I love that I can enjoy a lil bit of that freedom when I'm with her. I'll never be as free. I feel too committed to bein' too responsible.

But even when I think she's bein' too free for her own good I gotta remember that it's her and her choice. While I can try to protect her from what I might think is a bad idea I gotta let her take her risks and have her fun.

Even if it means we have a fight once in a while because we see things differently, I'd rather fight the good fight with her than give up on us. I'd like to see us fight as and old couple of puzzle pieces asserting who we are and what we believe than see us lay down for one another to be molded into sumthin' we're not.