Like Brothers

In my life, friends have always been few and far between. I'm not very talkative until you get to know me. I generally don't like havin' to meet new people. I'm not comfortable with it. I don't like puttin' myself out there. I'd rather mind my own business and hang out quietly in a corner at a party.





But I did make one particular friend more than a decade ago. He's my best friend and he's also prolly the biggest dick you could ever meet. He's hard headed and opinionated. He's become somewhat religious in the last few years without really developin' a sense of strong morality. Not a criminal by any means but not even close to a saint. He's twenty-eight with no career, little work experience, and he's sumthin' of a mama's boy.





How'd he get to be like this? It's easy enough to explain.





When he was young, I guess about seven or eight, his dad split. That left him the only guy in a houseful of women. It was him, his mom, and his big sister born with special needs. I'm not sure exactly what the term was for what was wrong with his sister, she had limited and involuntary movements, she couldn't form sentences. She could laugh, though. And like many in these predicaments showed more personality than a lotta people walkin' around with ease. The sister spent a good chunk of time at a center where she could be cared for. He spent a lot of time with his mom learnin' how to be a grown up and, I believe, developing his flaws.





It seems common to me that when people split, single parents try to make up for the loss by spoilin' the children. Dad might buy big expensive toys. Mom might let him pick what to eat for dinner all the time. They both might treat him like a prince. I'm not sure how his dad treated him, I can only theorize, I never even saw a picture of him in the years I've know my best friend. It makes sense to me that his mom treated him this way, she still does. She treats all of her kids very well, maybe too well.





His mom met his step-dad years before she was married the first time. I guess the story there was pretty simple. They come across each other again, she's single, he's single they hook up. Some time later, my best friend has a lil sister. They need a bigger place so they move from Houston to the town I lived in.





This'd be the part where we became friends. He moved in to the house right across the street from me. I remember our first time hangin' out we went to play basketball at the local court. I don't remember much other than the feelin' that he wasn't impressed by what I had to offer. We kept hangin' out anyway since we were the only kids in the neighborhood not on or sellin' drugs. I remember it was several months later before he introduced me to someone as his friend. Before that I was just "my neighbor."





My friend does have a lot of good qualities and it was always those that kept me around. He was always funny. He and I could joke for hours upon hours and never really be bored. He was very confident. This I think more than anything had an influence on me. Somehow, possibly through years of never be good enough for my mother, I never had the kind of confidence to throw a successful party at my place or pick up the girls I really wanted to date. He had that confidence and more. He's always been pretty arrogant, actually. He was also on the soccer team in highschool. He was a pretty decent player. This allowed him to make more friends than my boxing did. Boxin' is a one man sport and anybody you do meet is generally tryin' to pound your face in. So through Sam I got to meet a lot of people and somehow everybody seemed to think he was cool. I got to be a part of that which made me feel better about me.





I was never very confident. I was always a lil chubby, so I didn't think I was good lookin'. I never had many friends so I didn't think anybody would ever wanna be my friend. I was funny though. I'm fuckin' hilarious now, given a proper level of comfort. I've gained some confidence and am apparently better lookin' than anybody ever gave me credit for. Some of it came from my friend, some from me bein' tired of not gettin' what I deserve. I gained a lot from our friendship.





To say what I gave him as a friend isn't fair for me to say. I could say that I helped him be a better person but I don't think that's true. I helped him with homework and relationships. I'm sure he found me entertainin'. But still I think he felt like it was a privilege to be his friend.





Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's not the way he really feels about it. But I've known him for about 14 years now. I should have a decent understandin' of him if anybody does.





To help me with a project he burned some songs on a cd and had it ready for me the next mornin'. He's good and dependable, just like when I helped him move his fiance into her new apartment.





When I would make jokes that he didn't like concernin' his mother or himself he lock my outta his mom's van and try to leave me somewhere but not for long.





When we were messin around with a collection of weapons in my room I managed to cut his thumb with a sword. He still has a scar.





We bought tickets to go see a movie with some friends. We had time to kill and he wanted to go for a swim in a pool without anybody havin' a swimsuit and the movie startin' in about 30 minutes, he got voted down and was pissy the rest of the night.





We went fishin' and I caught my first fish with him on a cool August day. Shortly after I fell in the river and was pissy the rest of the day. Three more hours while he fished and I sat shivering in a van.





I could go over the stories all day long and still not be able to decide if he is really a good person. I enjoyed his company then but not this new person he's become. I don't like his criticism of my campin' trip with my girlfriend and our gay friends. I don't like that we don't joke the same way we used to. I don't like that he seems to believe himself infallible. It's usually those people that have dangerous flaws.





I know I'm not perfect. I know I could've been a better friend to him. I know I have my own flaws. But I'd like to think I'll own up to 'em. I believe that if I was doin' harm to our friendship that I'd do sumthin' to change.





I'm s'posed to be his best man in October. He wants me to go to Costa Rica with him for his weddin'. He told me I can't bring my girl 'cause he doesn't like her. He's got some guy I never met throwin' him a bachelor party which last I heard was my resposibility as his best man. His mom's throwin' him one too. He's got no clue about prices or where to get the suits. He's got me roomin' with guys I don't particularly like. Every time I turn around he's tellin' me there's sumthin' he wants me to change for him. Dad thinks he might be settin' me up to look like a fool.





I don't know what I wanna do. Is it selfish to not go be my bestfriend's best man? Is it selfish for him to leave me hangin' with lil more than a weddin' date? Is he changin' or is this the person he's always been? Is he a good friend or am I just a fool that puts up with his abuse? How can anybody judge anybody else on any of that?



I don't know what I'm gonna do.