Freedom to Love

I think of all the groups and all the things I've supported with this blog the one I've been quietest about is one I probably haven't been all that comfortable with. I grew up in a small town and as open minded as I try to be about things I haven't been exposed to everything yet. I have always been a supporter of the gay community but until recently they weirded me out a lil bit.


I just hadn't been around them a lot or maybe they hadn't come out to me yet. I remember in junior high there was one effeminate boy in school that everyone believed to be gay. There were a few masculine girls that everyone thought were lesbians. I don't know if they were but I doubt everyone treated them nicely. Nobody's very nice in junior high or high school.



Junior high wasn't a pleasant place for anybody. Everybody's at an awkward stage. Some more awkward than others. Some people try dyin' their hair, others wear odd clothing, some sulk in the belief that no one understands them. Everybody goes through this and for generations we just keep sayin' "Oh, they'll get over it." or "It's just those hormones."

Yeah, it's a biological fact that your body goes through a change. Doesn't mean your kid isn't without some issues. They need people to listen to 'em. They need help figurin' their bodies and everybody else out. They need to know that what's happenin' to them is natural. It's awfully depressin' to think that in all our generations, in the years that we got to the moon, that the Internet provided us with infinite amounts of information, the best we can do with a teenager's problems is go, "meh."

Society puts pressure on people to be a certain way. Whether it's the right or wrong way is to say the least debatable. In fact, I'll just go ahead and say it's wrong. Society says people should grow up and be normal functioning members of society. But the minute we surrender to normality we become barely functioning members of society.



We are all weird and strange creatures when compared to one another. How the hell do you make the strange normal? Put it in a restricting, bland suit, give it a short hair cut, and force it to act in a way that's unnatural to it through medication or threats? Yeah, that seems perfectly natural to me.



We are not machines to be programmed. We are who and what we are. We can learn to be better or worse. We can change our thinkin'. But never, never should we allow ourselves to be what we are not. But in this critical stage of adolescence we're told there's no room for fresh ideas or strange looks. There's no room for different cultures. There's no room for homosexuality. Be like us or be shunned.



All of us have given up a lil bit of that freedom to be "normal." We hold onto as much of it as we can but we can't keep all of it. We should hold those people who have chosen to be themselves despite society's shunning of them. They've been true to themselves for the thing that matters most, love.



If you can't be free to love who you love then why bother takin' your next breath? The gays and lesbians are a bold group and even now in 2010 society still says "You guys gross me out." That's not the best idea to have, in my opinion, because I will kiss, hug, and love whoever my heart and I choose.



The issue is not with him, it's with you. It's not a problem that two gay men love each other or that they are attracted to each other it's that you, the third party that has nothing to do with the situation, have an issue with it.

Us and Them

No matter what group you're a part of there's gonna be another group you ain't part of.

Majority vs. Minority, Black vs. White, Red vs. Blue, Shirts vs. Skins, Boys vs. Girls, Haves vs. Have nots, Butter side up vs. Butter side down, Barney vs. Captain Kangaroo, Beatles vs. Elvis, People that like my writing (Us) vs. People that don't like my writing (Them/the bastards).

No sense in killin' or really fightin' with somebody 'cause they hold a different opinion than you. You could spend all day arguin' that Barney could kick Captain Kangaroo's ass. But you'd be wrong.

Captain Kangaroo is awesome. I know some of you don't remember him, but he hosted a show for twenty some odd years and had the best mutton chops in the Saturday morning kids' show business. He had a coat with big pockets and lots of lil puppet friends. He actually ran a few cartoons on his show.



What does Barney got? Purple and green foam and a creepy fondness for huggin' kids. He's got some triceratops sidekicks but they were always kinda lame. He sings, he dances, and wants everybody to be friends. Admirable as that might be, I'd have to say that'd put him on the losing end of some actual conflict resolution.



The Captain is a Captain and most likely has some military training. He'd snap Barney's neck no problem. Or maybe pull a bazooka from his big pockets and blast a hole in the purple perv. I don't care if he is a dinosaur, dinosaurs are no match for bazookas.



Course there might be one flaw in my argument. It's that imaginary creatures can't actually do much of anything. So, arguin' about which one is best makes no difference. One might be more popular. The other might have a lot of fans that take things too far. One might not make sense to you. The other might not make much sense to me. But who am I to interrupt your watchin' of either show or to insist that you can't watch that show? I can't tell you what to like whether it be Captain Kangaroo, Barney, God, Allah, or Odin. Your opinion is yours to hold and therefore not mine to change. I can tell you why I like Woody Woodpecker and you should too but if you don't that won't make you a bad person. (Yeah, I just compared all religious deities to Woody Woodpecker. And yes that is a real cartoon character.)



I was talking to my brother the other day and while I love and respect him I gotta wonder where he's gettin' these terrible ideas. He was tellin' me about people arguin' over the mosque they wanna build near Ground Zero. He said the lady arguin' was in support of it sayin' that she loved the Muslim people and their culture. Said she met a guy online and wanted to marry him and help him come to the U.S. (I'm not gonna argue whether the guy's gonna screw her over on that, I believe he would but that's another story.) My brother said the guy shouldn't be allowed to come because he's a terrorist. He said they're all terrorists.



I had to remind my brother of his less than glamorous past. My brother was part of a gang when he was young. He stole car stereos. Got in shootouts. Stole from convenience stores. Shot an old man in the leg on accident. Got locked up for attempted murder. Drove down the road and threw a kitchen appliance at a man that was just walkin' and mindin' his own business. He was even part of a gang battle that was on a news segment in Houston called "City Under Siege".



City Under Siege? You ever heard of that? Back in the day, about early to mid 90's, the gang violence in Houston and surrounding areas was so bad that a special segment of the news had to be created to cover it and other crimes.



Times were a lil rough back then. He got himself into a lot of trouble. You might even be justified in callin' my brother a terrorist. I did when we had that discussion. Maybe it put things in perspective for him which I hope he puts to good use.

Since doin' all those bad things he's straightened out. He's separated himself from a lot of trouble makers. He's gotten involved in his church. He got married and had kids. He's all about his kids now. He busts his ass to help them become good people and stay outta trouble.

I'd only caution him to not forget where we come from. We are not the ruling class. We are not the ones to look down on others. None of the people that he and I are surrounded by are the elite. When he talks bad about a minority group he's talkin' bad about us. We are Us and we are Them. We've done wrong. We've done good. We are not perfect. We are not to be spit upon.

A different god, skin color, or favorite cartoon show has no bearing on the quality of a person. It's absurd to argue and kill each other over these things. The Muslim people are largely misunderstood. It is that misunderstanding that leads to fear. Every group is misunderstood at one time or another.

As intelligent people we need to see past stereotypes or the dogmas of religion. All religions are s'posed to teach love and peace and lately I see 'em bein' used as a separation tactic. "Separate Us from Them. They want to kill Us. They aren't like Us. You don't want to be like Them. We are good and They are bad." It's not like that. Everybody wants to be good but a few fear mongers are strappin' bombs to people's chests and tellin' others to piss on places of worship.

That's not what reasonable people do. Reasonable people think. They wonder what people are really gettin' upset over. They ask what reasonable solutions are to these problems. Whatever the answer is it surely isn't racism or facism.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTV_I4atWNw

Bad Blood

I was born the youngest of seven. I have three older brothers and three older sisters. All of them are half siblings. Mom's somewhere in the middle of ten and Dad's somewhere in the middle of eight, I think. I have countless cousins. I could probably walk past a majority of my aunts and uncles without recognizin' 'em. Big family might be an understatement.

With a big family comes lots of problems. I come from a clan of thieves, vagrants, and brawlers. They drink and smoke. They cuss and spit. They also work hard and try to do what is right. I got people addicted to shoppin', I got people addicted to meth. I got people that can't stay sober, and others that can't hold a job. Good and bad family always has both. Nuthin' we can do 'bout it.

They say family is the key to society. (That's the defense they have against gays adoptin' and bein' married and generally bein' accepted. The world's never been in short supply of assholes, dunno that gay parents would change that but an open-minded ashole's gotta be better right?) Family is very much the key to society. Through some random chance we're stuck here with a bunch of people, some good some bad and there's not much gettin' rid of 'em. You gotta deal with 'em or avoid 'em. Some people opt for the kill/eat/feed to ravenous pigs option but it's a bit less popular with the rest of the family in general.

So, what can you really do with a jerk?

Ignorin' it never really seems to get you anywhere. They just get to keep bein' a jerk and you get to keep puttin' up with it. I never liked that advice. Just ignore the bully. Ignore the guy poundin' my face in? Ignore the guy eatin' food that should be mine? Ignore the guy that talks bad about me, my momma, and my dog behind my back? Ignore my big brother/big sister/little cousin that's actin' like a huge jerk? Can't do it. I wanna hit 'em.

But hittin' 'em never really does anything. I mean it can make you feel better. It usually helps if you're justified in it. Should be something deservin' of a punch to the nose. Hit me, I'll hit you back. Hit my girlfriend, I'll hit you back at least three times. Hit my kid, I'll hit you til you apologize to him at least three times. Ate a piece of cake I wanted, I'll wanna hit you so you give it back, but I won't. I can't do it on those everyday annoyances where there's no real reason to. If you already did sumthin' like that a punch wouldn't fix anything.

Shoutin' is another one of those that feels good at the time but may not do anything for you. I know when I get yelled at I'm not really hearin' anything anybody's sayin'. I'm just gonna get angry and yell back or maybe lose control and start a fight. (Well maybe not not 'cause I'm generally chill as a cucumber but someone might.) People get attacked verbally and they become stubborn and uncooperative.

Reasonin' is the thing that tends to work most of the time. For everyday infractions like a messy room needin' to be cleaned, or a cross word spoken, or some rule broken I think reasoning works best.

"I don't like this and here's why."

"Oh well I didn't realize." Or "Still gonna do it and here's why."

Then you gotta work it out from there.

We gotta be slow to anger. We gotta decide what about these situations makes us angry and what's a realistic solution. Especially with family and even if they're assholes. We'll be stuck with them and the world would be a better place if we can learn to make peace with 'em.

and now crappy poetry by me:

Viper's Venom

I worry for you little snake
For the life you might take

Your venom knows no mercy
In it is no controversy

It passes through your tooth
Knowing only one truth

Whatever you strike you kill
That is your defensive will

Spot, hidden, a predator tail
Strike, bite, there is no fail

The damage is now done
And down comes this one

The circle complete
You are your own defeat

Double D's of Doom

So, obviously, I'm on Facebook. I updated my status the other day to "May have just finished the greatest story you'll never read.", because I had quite frankly just a story that I feel is my personal best as far as short stories go. It was 18 pages long (too big to post here I think) and had to do with a man talkin' to a smokin', drinkin' dog that showed the man every fear he could have.



A friend asked me if it had any boobies in it and suggested that all the best stories start off "Did someone order a sausage pizza?" To satisfy this friend's sense of humor and lust for boobies I wrote him a lil story using him as a model for a pizza delivery boy. Enjoy!



Double D's of Doom



"Did someone order a sausage pizza?" The chubby, balding, Chewbaccalishly-hairy delivery boy asked chomping away on one slice already.



A sultry voice responded, somewhere behind two rediculously massive breasts, "I did, big boy. Here's a twenty and here's your tip." A hand reached from under the breasts to his crotch pulling the poor boy closer and closer into the fleshy mountains. The boy's eyes lit up like Christmas morning as the woman motorboated his face between the quadruple Z sized titans. It was the happiest day of his life, the day he had hoped for ever since becoming a pizza delivery boy. He wanted to cry but decided against it seeing as it wouldn't seem very manly. Instead, he opted for a giggly "Tee-hee-hee."



The boy's head became stuck between the massive mounds. He tried to pull away as it was becoming increasingly difficult to breath. Alerted to her prospective lover's trouble the large breasted lady harnessed her understanding of centrifugal force to save the pizza guy. She spun and spun and spun and spun with all her might until he popped loose.



She ran in jiggly slow-motion to aid her poor lover who had crashed through a wall in her 1970's-esque hotel. When she pulled his body through the sheet rock, she found him a mishapen, disgusting figure of a man. His neck was broken too.



With his last ounce of strength he whispered to the large breasts in front of him, "You've made me...so...hap..py..." A single tear ran down his face.



The woman lifted her gargantuan jugs revealing the two black holes surrounded by shark-like teeth under them. In unison the extra mouths shouted "SHAZAM!!!!!" and the entire mess of dead body, Chewie fur, blood and sheet rock disappeared into the darkness never to be seen again.

Shards of a Broken Life

Here's an eternally sad thought: We are all broken.



We all carry with us the scars of a thousand offenses in everyday life. Every day we gather a few more. Like a glass ballerina forever dancing in the rain and wind, the world takes it's toll on us until we shatter. And every day we get up and endure more and cling to the old damages we have suffered. Our minds are as fragile as any window pane.



There are so many ways to hurt a child. Not just physical abuse, it's almost absurd how the smallest scratches just seem to grow and gather pain. A joke told and taken the wrong way, an unnoticed favoritism for a sibling, and a broken promise can all be as damaging as any gunshot.



I don't know that it's possible to raise a child and do everything perfectly. There will always be things that child feels weren't provided and times where he will resent his parents. There will be times when everyone feels infinately weak and broken. Life will kill a person if he's not careful. But rarely have I seen anyone acknowledge this. Life is hard and unfair and unpredictable but most everyone puts up with it anyway.



The biggest misconception that I have seen in my life and the lives of those around me is that "everyone else" seems to have the answers. What I know is that I have no real answers. I don't know anyone that always feels like they know what to do with every situation. It's a mistake to believe that there's a magic number in age, that when someone reaches a certain point they'll just know what it takes to be everything a good person should be.



Everyone is broken in the way of these sometimes insignificant ways. Everyone seems to hurt at one time or another. We all just bottle it up and no one wants to talk about it until they have a nervous breakdown. If we're luck and we learn from our mistakes we can probably have the answers most of the time but there'll still be a big chunk that we'll be clueless about what to do.

What do you do when the person you've been married to for fifteen years decides they want a divorce? What do you do when you're kid that you loved and tried to teach right from wrong goes into a school and shoots up his friends? What do you do when your sister loves a man that beats her? What do you do when your father tells you you're worthless? What do you do when your mother has a bad drug habit?

As you walk in the mall, the streets, in your work area there are people seconds away from a breakdown. There are people everywhere askin' themselves these questions. We must keep that in mind for two purposes.

The first is to show them the sympathy they need. No matter what the situation is, or what background we have, we all carry pain with us. We are all broken and in need of love. Bad days comes from breakin', good days come from healin'.

The second is to heal ourselves. We can't always have that mask that covers our true feelings. We can't always hide from our pain. And we shouldn't have to. I'm not one to go around cryin' to everyone but I can't stop hurtin' by bottlin' it up. I've opened up enough to enough people and vice-versa so I know the world is with me and I'm with it in knowin' pain.

We are all broken in one way or another. I think every life will have it's own pains and misery. No need in pushin' anybody to break if we can help it.

Lessons Learned

Been havin' a bad time of life this week.

Just ever stressed as I feel like I'm spinnin' my wheels and gettin' no where. Called a couple of attorneys this week too. Needed to see if I got a case against the ex for the money she owes me. So far the answer is no.

In Texas, I'm told, it's a bitch to get people to pay up when they owe you anything, plus I've got no written agreement, and it's unlikely an attorney would do much for me with my $0 to spend on him. This girl screwed me over and she knew what she was doin'.

Things are lookin' rosy for your friendly neighborhood Texas Devil.

So what can you get outta all this mess? A few lessons I hope.



1.) If you lend somebody some money, get it in writin'.

I'll forget 5 or 10 bucks between friends but if I loan you $200, I expect to get it back so you better expect to sign some paperwork. You don't need much just sumthin' that says you loaned Fred $200 and that he's gonna pay you twenty bucks a week for ten weeks or however you wanna get your money back.



2.) It's never too early to save money.

You can get a job at sixteen you should be able to start savin' at sixteen too. Parents don't let your kids touch it til they can handle it. Kids you won't really be able to handle it til your thirty. In the mean time save as much as you can for retirement. You might miss a party here or there but your wrinkley behind is gonna be livin' it up when your kids move out. I know it seems pointless to save money you could be spendin' on Bieber tickets or a new pair video game but when your ass is bein' abused in a nursin' home your gonna be sorry.



3.) Credit cards are evil.

They allow a guy that makes twenty-five grand a year to live like he makes forty grand. That guy'll never pay it off but he's gonna have to bust his ass to if he wants a house or kids or a car. One or two is okay to have for an emergency like a flat tire in the middle of nowhere or a trip to the hospital, not new shoes. Really credit cards are legalized loan sharks only instead of breakin' your leg for six to eight weeks they'll take your house, car, and maybe even lead to divorce and the loss of your kids. They should be illegal.

4.) Never completely trust anybody.

You should always be lookin' for the angles. Always look for what it is people are really wantin' from you. I had a woman I thought I was in love with and I trusted her enough to hand her a credit card and say do what you like. That was foolish. Now I'm payin' for it.

I'm not sayin' never be in a relationship or never trust someone to the extent that they've proven themselves. You can't do everything alone. Your gonna have to trust people here and there but you don't have to include anyone on everything. People are always gonna lie to you and there are always gonna be times when you aren't gonna know it. Most are lil white lies.

"I'm sick, can't come in to work"

"Isn't that band you like in town?"

"What? Nooooo."

Point is he doesn't wanna come in to work, okay find somebody to cover his shift. Not a big deal but you coulda just told the truth on that. People lie all the time. They lie for all different reasons and the reasons usually aren't very good.

Sometimes it's the lie you can't see that's the most devastating. Lemme tell you a story...

Years ago, when I was too young to remember, I had two cousins. Ricky and Jesse. Two young Mexican guys, just average kinda guys that enjoyed a good joke and didn't like school all that much. Like I said I was too young to really get to know 'em. I mighta been one or two.

Well one afternoon these guys get a call from a friend and he says "Hey guy I need a ride." The brothers know this guy and they aren't doin' anything anyway so they go pick him up. Maybe they figure on goin' to a club or sumthin' later. They go pick up the kid and start goin' wherever. I'm sure it's all jokin' and laughin'. "And then this dumbass goes and..." "Remember that time that you..." and so on.

Then the friend gets hungry and says "Hey, let's head over to that Jack in the Box im starvin'." The brothers agree and they go through the drive-through. "Well, hey let's stop and eat in the parking lot. I hate eatin' when your ass is goin' for every pot hole in the road. Get more of my burger on my shirt than in my mouth." Everybody laughs and they pull into a parking spot.

While they're eatin' the boys are distracted and not lookin' for anybody or anything outside the car. So, when knives appear they are anything but ready. One blade slips out and stabs one brother and another from outside the car stabs the other. They get out of the car and try to make it in the restaurant for protection. Before they can a manager has locked the doors to protect his customers. Despite protests from customers inside, he won't open the doors. The two boys fight it as long as they can but eventually bleed to death in the parking lot of a Houston Jack in the Box.

This "friend" of my cousins and his dad set the boys up and stabbed my cousins to death. What was all this over? I couldn't tell you. It's not talked about much anymore. It happened well over twenty years ago.

Everyone lies to you but you better be able to see the why's of it all.

You go around trustin' people too lightly and you could wind up like me or worse yet like my cousins.