Catfish

I'm angry.  Annoyed.  Pissed off at everything and trying to find a direction to point it in.  I'm losin' money like I'm gettin' mugged.  It's kind of a pain in the ass right now.  I suspect it might be a pain in the ass at anytime in my life but right now I'm tryin' to get some traction goin' and of course life has other plans.

Nuthin' comes easy.  Fact of life #1.  You better thank your lucky onions any time something goes your way and remember it could've always been worse.

Sometimes you need that in your life.  Sometimes you need a bully to come along and start kickin' your privileged teeth in to realize how soft and fat you've gotten.  Everybody needs a rival, a challenge to take on, or a hardship to endure.  You need something to let you know that you are alive and you are strong enough to take that beating and that you will get back up and start fighting back.

I love comics but life doesn't send a Joker or Green Goblin for you to fight with.  That'd be too simple.  Beat up a bad guy, get the girl, the day is saved and somehow that makes everything okay.  What life really throws your way are deadlines, unexpected costs, and disillusionment in droves.  These small hardships come everyday and they pile up quick.  If it were just the light bill that needed to be paid a body could handle that and never think anything of it.  When you run into your challenge though, it'll be more like the light bill, rent, a totaled car, a sick kid, massive amounts of crap to do at work, and people that don't seem to give a rat's ass about helpin' you out at all.

If everything could be settled in a fist fight it would all be a lot easier.  Instead, you have to sacrifice portions of your life to get around obstacles.  You work, you work a second job, you work overtime, you stay in rather than spending money on a crappy junk food dinner, and you save your money.  You give up the things you kind of want for the thing you really want.  It's not fun but what needs to be done if you wanna get anywhere.

You need those pain in the ass months or years to make somethin' of yourself.  You have to challenge yourself to knock the dust off your bones.  You bust your ass to prove to yourself that you've got at least a sliver of a hero in you.  Keep feedin' that son of a bitch and he just might turn into Hercules.

Me and my June were talkin' about this the other night.  You ever see that movie Catfish?  You should give it a look.  I don't have any real spoilers here just a story frm within the movie. 

Catfish draws its title from a story told at the end about these fish that get soft from being shipped across the globe in tanks.  They sit there and do nothing and taste like crap because of it.  So, to remedy this problem catfish are put in the tank to beat up and challenge the other fish. The other fish fight back and are made stronger and better (tasting at least) for it.

We felt we needed a challenge. Somthing to come along and slap us around to see if we got the cojones to snatch that bastard by his ear and spit in his eye.  Well, with all the damage that was done to our car recently and the misfortunes we've had in the last year we're in a tight spot right now.  Do we have what it takes to pull through?

I know she does.  She wouldn't be standin' at my side if she didn't.  She's endured her own troubles which aren't my story to tell.  She's led a troop of AROTC (I think that's what they're called) to national championships four years in a row.  Her high school has a whole case full of the trophys she earned.  She counsels just about anybody she meets and helps them with their problems.  She's smart and funny and just all around amazing.  She's even put up with me for three years now.

I've been to hell and back before.  When I was a kid, I fought 'cause it was fun, I had a fire in me.  In the ring, I had trouble with a southpaw but I got the hang of that so well he couldn't touch me.  I've got a work ethic that'll outshine anybody.  I got my heart busted a few times in a row so that I was broken and suicidal.  I bounced back and found real love.  I'm one hell of a writer really.  You guys get some cheap stuff sometimes and I'm sorry about that but this blog has helped me become a stronger writer.  I got my Associates degree, one better than anybody in my family and I'm lookin' to go further.  I'm strong, I'm fast, and I'm smart.  I'm ready to take on the world.

You can never let those bastards get you down.  Talk yourself up.  Practice what you suck at.  Ask for help sometimes.  Everything is hard and annoying and makes you work to get there.  But if you don't look that lion in the eyes you'll never get a chance to see it blink.  If you don't push yourself you will never be anything great and personally I can't think of anything sadder than wasted potential.  Don't leave this world with regrets, wishing you'd done more or tried a bit harder or made something of yourself. 

I've busted my ass many times to get where I am now and compared to some folks it's pretty comfortable.  But it will never be good enough.  My love deserves better.  Our kids will have better.  I will be successful.  I still got a million more rounds in me.  A million more chances to turn everything around and do something no one ever has.  By the time the dust has settled It'll be me and my love still standin' there back to back kickin' ass and askin' for more challenges.