Helpin' Hands

Today, I begin a new job. Not today exactly, I have to go and fill out paperwork so I can have the job but I'm all but hired. This is my second job. Not second as in I've only had two jobs but second as in I run the office in the family business by day and then I start workin' in a department store by night. It'll give me like an extra $500 a month which is good but I hate that I have to have two jobs.

I have to have two jobs to give myself a lil bit of financial stability. I have a minor mountain of debt to clear out. Four grand on one card, four grand on another, 'bout twenty grand on my car that I owe, plus another four grand if I can't get the Ex to pay the debt she left me stuck with. So, that makes a total of 32 thousand dollars I owe with next to nuthin' to show for it. Not to mention I still need some dinero to go to school on. I figure that costs 'bout eight grand a semester. So, yeah, my meager earnin's with this new job might give me a leg up on a bit of that.

I have to work. Those are my debts to carry. My foolishness with my money. I have to struggle now in the hope that maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to have a better life in the future. Maybe I'll actually be able to move out of my mom's house. Maybe I can have a place of my own. Maybe I can live comfortably one day in a log cabin away from people to focus on my writin' and enjoy nature.

I am gonna bust my ass to make things better for myself. It's no one else's responsiblity. No one should have to take care of me and I do not want to be a burden to anyone. It sucks 'cause it's gonna take up all my time. I prolly won't get to write as much or spend so much time with friends or family or my girlfriend. If I want to live better in the future I have to suffer a bit now. It'll be a little rough but I'm sure I'm strong enough to handle it. I have to be.

It's my debt and my problem to handle. A lot of people in this world don't handle their own problems. They trip themselves up in life and expect others around 'em to pick 'em up. It ain't fair to your friends and family to do that. I'm all about helpin' people if I can. You ever have a problem and need someone to talk to? I'll listen. You need a shoulder to cry on? I've got two. You need help liftin' sumthin' heavy? I've got a strong back. I don't mind offerin' advice or just bein' there if I can. I will not however, sit there and watch you screw your life up, and pick up the pieces repeatedly. I can't live your life and mine. Your problems can't always be mine or any of your other friends'.

Every individual on the face of the planet has to face up to what they've done and deal with what has fallen on their path. You can't just sit on your ass and always expect your mommy to come pick you up and dust you off. Everyone's entitled to a little help every now and then. You can't abuse that help without abuse the friends that give it. It's disrespectful to the lives of those friends to expect them to wait on you hand and foot. By not takin' care of your own problems all the time your sayin' your life and the problems in it are more important thant your friends'. It ain't fair to 'em. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Do the best you can with all your problems.

Now, understandably, people run into problems that are just bigger than they are. Sometimes everybody needs a helpin' hand from friends. I do. You do. Your parents have. Your kids will. To be a good friend you gotta be there for those that need a hand too. Help when you can. Even if it's an inconvenience for you put a good friend first once in a while. Don't go broke or ruin your life tryin' to help somebody but throw 'em a bone. Let your friends know they're good friends and that you're there for 'em if they need it. And mean that if you say it. No sense in offerin' a hand just to pull it a way.

I love my uncle very much and though in his youth he has been a help to my dad, in the last thirty years he's been a drunk. He currently has no place to live, no bills to pay, no driver's license, no money, kids he never sees, and barely any clothes. He's made a lot of mistakes in his life and he's owned up to many of them somewhere along the way he gave up. He quit tryin'. He didn't show up to work half the time, when he did he was usually drunk. His speech is so slurred constantly it's always difficult to understand him. He always reeked of cheap Busch beer. He drinks with my dad and when he's had enough it always winds up with him accusin' my dad of bein' some kinda Mr. Perfect and thinkin' of himself as some failure.

I have felt for several years that it's largely my father's fault for carryin' him as long as he has instead of lettin' him deal with the problems on his own. When a person is forced to sink or swim their true strength shows. Sometimes it's enough and other times it's not. But they have to be let alone to do that. People need to take responsibility for their own life. Help them if you can but there's no reason to bail your brother out every day for thirty years. We each have the responsibility to take care of our problems as best we can.