Incubus, Vortexes, and Samoan Butt Rapists

The very first time I went to see Incubus in concert was at Lullapalooza back in 2003.



That show was crap.



There were about 10 different bands playin' throughout the day. I remember a lot of the lyrics being distorted 'cause the mics were too loud or lots of feedback.



The bands that played seemed very apathetic about bein' there. They played their sets and got off stage. If you ask me, when people pay to go to your concerts they pay for more than music. If music is all I wanted I'd buy the albums and stay home listenin' to 'em.


The Incubus concert this time around was an amazing night.


As always I was runnin' late and had to grab sumthin' to eat on the way to the concert. So I was speedin' down the freeway with a burger in one hand and a steerin' wheel in the other and a vortex out the window.

I had my eyes on the road and couldn't really look to see this "vortex". (By the way, i don't think that's a very descriptive word, prolly 'cause I don't know exactly what it means.) I'm all about sci-fi. I hear "vortex" and I'm thinkin' gateway into parallel realities and time travel.


The sky was lookin' all like it was bringin' our impending doom but I saw no "vortex". (Again, I could've been lookin' right at it and never known.) Cars weren't bein' sucked up into Dimension X or anything. (I never get to see anythin' cool like that) Even with the aliens ready to invade and the world about to end we made it to the concert just fine. Like Red had said "We are the Chosen Ones" so yeah we survived, it's what Chosen ones do you know.


However, I found out as we got up to the front gate that the "vortex" in question could also be described more acurately as a "funnel cloud".(That describes it perfectly, it is indeed a funnel shaped cloud, it is also an indictator of a tornado.) So, the world wasn't doomed, just the concert.


They closed the gates to the outdoor theatre and decided with bad weather on the way it'd be safer for everyone to go home. Of course, there were a good 500 people that knew better. I heard shouts "Fuck a tornado!" and "This is Texas!". In Texas there's a sayin', "If you don't like the weather, wait ten minutes". The storm blew over and everyone came out of their hidin' holes and my friends and I were allowed in finally.



We got our spot, our eight dollar beers (I know right? and mine was empty when I got the damned thing anyway), and listened to the opening act (whoever they were they were awesome, but unknown to me). We met some guys from UT that seemed nice enough. They had these things called "Pocket Shots" (shots of whiskey packaged in plastic bags) which made one of the girls a little sick. The guys seemed to be tryin to take care of her. I kept an eye out for her 'cause my daddy always says to be aware of your surroundings. They didn't try anything and really seemed like genuinely nice guys.



One of 'em introduced himself to me a bit late. He was a brown skinned fella i'd guess was Samoan and about my size. He seemed nice and was jokin' with the other guys.



I forgot about him once Incubus started up and the music was goin'. The music was amazing. Boyd had his shirt off (cue for the girls to commence screamin' and gigglin' as y'all do). As the show went on it seemed that this guy kept creepin' his way up to get a better view.



A better view of my ass.



I turned around as I felt his hot breath on the back of my neck and he was right on my heels and his hands on my hips. I believe he may have had an intention of gettin' a lil friendly with my backside. Sorry, Nancy, but I'm a backdoor virgin for Christ. (In case you can't tell I'm joking bout this stuff. He was just oddly close to me and at no time did I actually feel my anus was in any peril. Nor do I encourage any actual rape stereotypes among the gay or Samoan communities.)



At any rate the concert was fun and muddy. The music was amazing. The friends I went with were among the best in existence. The beer was expensive and that guy creeped me out but it was still fun.





By the way, this is from wikipedia:



"A vortex (plural: vortices) is a spinning, often turbulent, flow of fluid. Any spiral motion with closed streamlines is vortex flow. The motion of the fluid swirling rapidly around a center is called a vortex. The speed and rate of rotation of the fluid are greatest at the center, and decrease progressively with distance from the center."