Fail

I'm twenty-four now and gonna be twenty-five come January. I've never really had a good birthday. When I was a kid, other kids never really came to whatever parties I had, or the weather was bad, or any number of things went wrong. It was never a great birthday. There were a few that were okay and a couple with good memories but they were never anythin' special.



My twenty-second birthday was particularly bad. I was supposed to go to this club for my birthday. My birthday was going to begin at midnight so the idea was that I would go out with these girls from work and they could celebrate with me. One of these girls I'd been makin' eyes with for the past few weeks. We took her car. Later we figured that'd been a mistake on account of she had some bald tires and wet roads to drive on. We spun out a bit n slammed into the concrete median.

I got whiplash. Happy Birthday to me.

The next weekend we were s'posed to try again. We did. They asked me if I wanted to come to the same club with 'em 'bout a week later. And perhaps this is where I made my mistake. I answered "Maybe." So I wound up not havin anything to do that night so I got dressed and drove about an hour to the club and met up with the girls there. I'm sure I must've called them to say I was comin'. It wouldn't make sense for me not to. I don't typically do things that way. Though I can't remember it specifically. They were there with a few friends and dancin'. I went up and said hello, introduced myself to the friends. We all danced in like a big group kinda thing. I went to the bar to grab abother beer only to turn around and find that they had all left. Not one word to me. Rejected. Left. Abandoned.

I am a loser. I am a failure. I always have been. I always will be.

I write about my philosophies and morals and my ideals. I talk about my high standards that I have for myself and others. And I have fallen short on all of those at one time or another. I am in no way, shape, or form, perfect. I have made so many mistakes in my life. Not just lil ones either. I have done all kinds of selfish and wrong things to good and bad people alike.

I want y'all to know this.

Not so you'd feel sorry for me or think I'm some deep pain filled soul. No. I'm not. I'm just a guy that's made a lot of mistakes and I know you have too. I know you have 'cause as good and right as I try to be about everything I slip at least once a day.

We're all failures in the way that we ain't perfect. There are times in our lives where we're gonna ditch somebody 'cause we're selfish or uncaring. There are times where we're gonna be the ones gettin' ditched 'cause somebody didn't think we're good enough or that we aren't what they want.

It happens.

The only thing we can do with all of our short comin's is to move on and learn from them. We have to learn to deal with rejection and failure. I feel sorry for the person that has never known either one of these. 'Cause it'll come one day and when it does it'll crush 'em.

As a kid I was always shy. I don't stand out in a crowd. So I've never had many friends. I was never a great student. I might've been further ahead in life if I had been. I could've been better lookin'. I could've been born into a family with more money. I could die never bein' published. I could never get out from under my debt. I would've gone back to college if I had the money. I shouldn't have to work two jobs just to make ends meet. I could've been thinner. If that brass ring was a lil bit closer I might've made sumthin' of myself.

Yeah. Well things don't always work out to fit in all the woulda, shoulda, coulda's. We're left with all the what is's. We're stuck with things the way they are. That's what we gotta deal with. We pick up our trash one piece at a time and we just have make do with what we got. No bitchin' or whinin' bout how things happened.

You took a chance and came up a lil short. You asked her out and she said no. You put your trust in people you thought were friends and got let down. You think things can't get any worse but odds are they will. How the hell do people put up with that? A lotta people can't. They snap. They overreact. They make bad choices to get themselves out of a bad spot. Those people need help. And askin' for help when you need it doesn't make you weak, it makes you brave enough to reach out and willin' to become better than you are. The people that get lucky and make better choices start small and do what they can to make things better.

Don't let yourself feel like a failure. You may be a person that makes mistakes but til your dead you got a chance to make things better. No one is a failure til it's all over. And as long as you tried can anyone ever really say that about you? How many countless artists never made it til after they were dead. They tried while they were alive. People just couldn't see what talents they had til they were gone. It's sad in a way but as much as they felt like failures in their lives, they never were.

No one's opinion of you matters more than your own. You ain't a loser. You ain't a failure. The fight ain't over. If you got one round left, you got three minutes to get in there and knock that bum the hell out. Get up off your ass. No more feelin' sorry for yourself. Give it all you got. I know you feel tired and you wanna quit but your problems ain't gonna back down. You're the only one that can deal with your problems and to me that says you're the only one that has what it takes to deal with 'em.

Your opinion is all that matters. Learn from your mistakes. Work to make yourself the best you can. Understand that as good as you are, rejection and failure are bound to head your way. They don't have to be that big of a deal. You ain't a loser. You can do what you gotta.

You ain't a failure.